40 Is the New...Eh, It Doesn't Matter.

I turn 40 soon, and that means…

… absolutely nothing. Which is how it should be.

When I was a kid, this was the “over the hill” milestone, the birthday that was not so much celebrated but mourned with cryptic cards and black balloons. In the 1980s, turning 40 meant you had one foot in the grave.

I’m glad that’s not how it is anymore, at least not for me.  Quite frankly I think it’s bullshit, there, I said it. 

I would like to think that most people have ditched the idea that it only “goes downhill from here”, that life somehow begins a gradual decline the moment you enter your fourth decade. I hope most of us now view this birthday as simply another chapter in the book of life, a new decade full of new things to learn and new chances to grow and evolve.

So instead of hitting you guys hard with some interesting stuff about health and physiology this month, I decided I’m going to write about some life lessons I’ve learned so far.  In looking back, I think it’s cool to give a “Cliff Notes” version of what I feel is important.

1.    Your health is an investment, not an expense. 

I can honestly say I’m way healthier now at almost 40 compared to when I was 20, and it’s not by chance. This whole notion of “you’re getting old” stuff doesn’t sit well with me, because it’s not true. I’m physiologically older however, I can out preform the 20-year-old version of myself. I’ve learned and changed SO MUCH since my 20’s: I exercise more now than ever (obsessed with my Peloton bike, if you’re on the gram then you know). I have a pretty clean diet for the most part (indulge when I want to) and have a great “squad” of like-minded health care providers to keep me on my game.

Aging is a PRIVILAGE. There are too many people I know already who have passed on way too young. I know big scary health diagnoses can come to those who didn’t do anything wrong (with their health), that’s the hard truth of life that I can’t mentally comprehend, who could?

All I’m saying is that I learned (and am happy) to spend the sweat, time, and money on things that will help me to be a better, healthier and stronger version of myself. My point is this: if you don’t develop habits to stay healthy, it’s pretty much guaranteed you won’t be someday.

2.   Your neighbor’s grass is irrelevant. 

I was fortunate to learn this one at a pretty young age and it has served me well. If you’re not here yet, it is never too late to realize it. Your neighbor’s grass might look greener, but it might not even be grass to begin with. It might be turf, or weeds, or just plain old dirt. But you know what, friend? It does not matter. Because the other lawns you’ve been looking at might meet each of your neighbor’s exact needs, but they will never, ever meet yours. Look inside, see what you need and want, and tend to growing and nourishing only that. Comparison is the thief of joy.

3.   Life takes work.

Anything and everything that’s worth having in this life whether it’s an education, love/a relationship, a job, success (you get it) all take work. I don’t know why we think it is supposed to be easy, it’s not…that’s not how life is. It is the cultivating of your work and efforts that makes it so very satisfying when you finally get there.

4.   Being a parent is the most important kind of work there is.

Raising children is work. Maybe especially small children, and maybe especially more than one, but really any way you look at it this whole parenting thing is just a whole other level of work. And the stakes are so much higher, like your heart has been turned inside out and now lives outside of you in someone else, and that person’s life literally depends on your decisions and yet you very likely have absolutely no idea what you are doing and even if you do, you don’t have any faith in yourself, maybe not just yet. And the hours are every single minute of every single day and for a lot of the first years you won’t sleep, and you’ll be punch drunk with exhaustion and unable to form coherent sentences. Some days can feel so mundane, repetitive and numbing at times.

But you know what? We love the hell out of our babies and thank the heavens every single night for having been kind enough or crazy enough to grace us with the awesome responsibility of raising them, and at the very same time we can also be so exhausted that we can’t see straight (see life lesson #3 lol). Can we all agree that we can be good parents and still be real? I love this life and being a mom, it is the most important work. If I do this job right, I’ll leave some good humans behind when my days are up, so far so good.

5.   Choose fun and be kind. 

We get one chance at this life. Choose to look on the bright side. Choose to give others – and yourself – the benefit of the doubt. And for crying out loud, make some memories and don’t take yourself so damn seriously. This day and age I would like to include a little PSA: be kind to people who have different views and opinions than you. It’s ok, I promise…in fact, you might learn something new from them.

So, what will my 40s teach me? I don't know.

What I do know is I won’t be mourning a bit of it.